The black and blue string tied around his wrist dug deep into his skin. It had wound itself tighter and tighter till the thin cord choked and blocked the flow of blood to and from his wrist.
He knew he had to take it off.
Her shirt he held each night in his slumber prickled and poked, making his skin itch and kept him awake throughout the night. The memories of her, her smell had all but disappeared.
He took it off.
His lips which had tasted hers tingled with the sweet satisfaction of a once known passion had truly hurt. It became chapped and bleeding, constantly dripping scarlet onto his fingers each time he brushed them against his lips desperate to find again that feeling of bliss when his lips touched hers.
He ripped them off.
And so too did he do with his eyes that have held her image, his hands that have touched her skin, his ears that have heard her sultry voice and his heart, oh his heart that has carried more pain than all the others.
His heart should have been the first to be ripped from him, yet he saved till the very last.
He thought he could take the pain, ignore the jealousy and continue loving her from afar. He believed his heart to be stronger. He was wrong.
Ripping his heart out and all the rest, he is left an empty shell.
Last night, as the thumping bass reverberated around the walls of the club and the soft white skin of the Asian girl he held his body against was grinding against him, the image of her flashed across his mind. The alcohol-induced stupor he was in did nothing to numb the pain he was feeling. It did nothing to take his mind away from the longing his heart had for her. He stopped. He pushed the girl aside and made a beeline for the bottle of Whiskey calling to him from their table. He needed more. More to numb the pain of wanting her. More to make him forget he loved her. More to make him empty and cold and... and... frightened.
Frightened that he would not have a place in her heart for him. Scared that his name would just be another profile on her Facebook list of friends.
It was unfair to her that he would assume such things. Did he think so light of her? He's been assured that outcome will never come to pass but his paranoia has always been the prevailing emotion.
The text message, the a.m phone call, it wasn't that he needed time to forget her, it was that he needed time to come to terms with the new role he had in her life. The role that she had always saved for him. Regardless of the things that have happened between them, foreseen or unforeseen, he had always been given that role. Much like Mark, Mischa and Ivan. He should be proud of that role. Each of them given their own specific roles in her life. And so has she given one to him.
He assured her that he will always have her back and scratching the surface, so too does she have his.
His love for her will never diminish, merely evolved. They loved each other as friends, and evolved to lovers and in time, so too will his love for her progress from lover to friend. Although this time he believes, the evolution of that love transcends even friendship. For the respect and admiration he has for her deserves more than the title of mere 'friend'. He hasn't found a name for it yet, but what's in a name when the emotions mean more ey.
I'll always have your back S. So if it's ok with you, I'm taking time off to better prepare myself to fit the role that you have for me in your life.
Lots of love.
Haziq.
p.s. you owe me a resume.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment