8 in the morning

My eyes creaked open to the piercing sound of an alarm. I turned on my back and cursed the source of the noise. Straining my neck to glimpse at what infernal man-made device was spewing forth such unholy crescendos, I realised that it was my phone alarm making that blatant beeping.

I reach for it, fumbling between pillow and mattress for the vile device, both a curse and a reliance. A friend of mine once asked me, "Why do we rely on these devices? I can never leave my home without it, but it takes so much space in my pocket" I replied, "Because your entire life revolves around your social life" "Without your phone, no one can contact you and without human contact, you'd rather take yourself out back and blow your brains out".

If that were truly the case, if human beings were so reliant on mobile phones and other communication devices for connectivity to the outside world, why go out at all? It's human nature to want to need human contact. Take Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of needs for example. The level of human belonging. Human beings need to know that they have a purpose in the world, in their world. Sex functions as a reward for being a good human being as are other things, but in the end, we need a semblance in our lives that tells us: We're indeed wanted.

Back to the issue of the mobile phone, or was it waking up. Ah yes, waking up. I finally found the phone lodged unceremoniously between my head and the salivated pillow that acts as a sense of comfort yet plays a more believable role as a rock. I press the snooze button and check the time. The number 8 followed by two zeros greet my eyes. I snort in amusement and lay my head back down in an effort to console my aching heart that I was awakened at such an ungodly hour. I am in fact on holiday.

I'm wide awake.

This morning's post is brought to you by the number 8, the color white and the word technology. The number 8 for the self-respecting act of pertaining that 8 in the morning is in fact an ungodly hour to be awake (while on holiday of course). The color white for the infuriating effort of trying to sleep and closing one's eyes only to be staring (eyes closed) at a blinding light from outside and the word technology, for the stupid phone that woke me up in the morning, yet which I am so reliant towards.

UiTM and HIV/AIDS Awareness

UiTM Shah Alam has always held health talks twice a year with topics ranging from heart diseases to viral infections. Yet, HIV/AIDS has always been taboo even in this world class university.

Living in a society governed by culture and religion, teens nowadays have adopted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach to sex. They don’t ask about it and they don’t tell people about their experiences. In a way, that particular approach would be seen as dangerous considering the many negative impli­cations brought on by the dangers of practicing sex without proper knowl­edge of it. Sex is not a “wham-bam-thank you ma’am” affair. Knowledge is key to the practice of safe sex. Rather than prevent pre-marital sex which is deemed impossible due to the increas­ing libido of the Malaysian population, it’s best to focus on the prevention of the spread of HIV/AIDS in the country.

HIV/AIDS

The Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) is a disease attack­ing the human immune system caused by the Human Immunodeficiency Vi­rus (HIV). It is spread through an ex­change in bodily fluids through the di­rect contact of the mucous membrane or the bloodstream in which these bodily fluids contain the HIV virus. Such bodily fluids could include se­men, blood, vaginal fluids, preseminal fluids and breast milk. Once the body has been infected by the HIV virus, the effectiveness of the body’s immune system is greatly reduced leaving it susceptible to op­portunistic infections and tumors.

The exchange of these bodily fluids can come from penetrative intercourse, oral sex, blood transfusions contami­nated hypodermic needles exchange of mother to daughter during pregnan­cies, childbirth as well as breastfeeding.

UiTM

Being a world class university has its perks. Collaborations upon collabo­rations with governmental and non-governmental organizations domestic and international alike have been done often and successfully, yet, HIV/AIDS is still considered a topic of taboo.

Kempen Cara Hidup Sihat is the name of the event organized twice a year in UiTM Shah Alam. Health speakers from all over the country are brought in to talk about their respected fields in medicine and health to give awareness and insight on the dangers of these diseases and with health organizations setting up booths that include pictures and pam­phlets to further promote awareness.

Yet, in all of this, HIV/AIDS is still a hindsight. According to a statistic by the PT Foundation, cases of HIV prev­alence monitored from the year 1986 till the year 2008 have reached 84,630 whilst AIDS cases are at 14,576. Deaths reported as a result of these diseases are reportedly at 11,234 in Malaysia.

According to the statistics by the Ministry of Health Malaysia (MOH) in-collaboration with the World Health Organization (WHO) in 2009, HIV prevalence for those below the age of 25 are 14.6% for in­jecting drug users (IDU), 10.8% for female sex workers (FSW) and 10.7% for men who have sex with men (MSM). All in all, our younger populations are suffering through this plight and for a world class university with locations all across the country, this comes as a very huge problem considering the fact that a very high majority of their students are within the age group.

Social Stigma

Have you ever asked your par­ents about where babies come from only to be shot down with glares and threats of “don’t ever ask that again”? If you have, you’re one of the many people to be rejected of knowledge on sex. According to Dr. Nik Kama­rudin, resident doctor at UiTM Shah Alam’s health center, awareness on sex and the implications of practicing safe sex should start at home with parents.

“Parents must be open-minded and if need be, should turn to religious faith for support on the knowledge of intercourse and the preventive mea­sures on how to avoid HIV/AIDS”.

The distribution of condoms as a preventive measure for HIV/AIDS is seen by many as a way to promote pre-marital sex. In many peoples opinion, in our generation, sex does not need to be promoted. Looking from another point of view, we take the Malaysian govern­ments “needle exchange program” as an example. The needle exchange pro­gram is an action taken to pre­vent injecting drug users from contracting HIV/AIDS when using infected needles.

Drug us­ers will go to any drop-in center located in the city and exchange their used needles for new and clean needles free of charge. This act is frowned upon by many, yet it is essential in contain­ing the spread of HIV/AIDS among drug us­ers in the country. The same principle applies to the distribution of condoms to the general public.

If seen as a way to promote sex among youths, married couples will also ben­efit from free condom distributions. Many married couples practicing fami­ly planning due to an unstable financial status will rely on these free condoms to continue intercourse relations. Also, there are many cases in the country in which people have been diagnosed as HIV positive due to an infected blood transfusion as a result of hospital neg­ligence or during births resulting from mother to child transfusion in the chance that the mother is HIV positive.

In a nutshell, the topic of HIV/AIDS should not be seen as taboo but as a serious issue that has been evident for decades. UiTM as a lead­ing university with the highest popu­lation of students should play a role in creating awareness on HIV/AIDS among its students. The phrase “pre­vention is better than cure” comes to mind in these events as until today, there is no definite cure for this disease.

M

Elvis Costello's "She" echoes in the background. I turn towards my phone. The clock on it shows 4:00a.m, an obscene hour to be awake no matter for what purpose. Her face keeps popping up in my mind. Her black satin hair hidden under chestnut locks. Her lips, a vibrant candy red playfully enticing. Irresistible to me. They call to me. Pull me closer.

I'm pulled out of my reverie by an unseen force called reality. It's been 8 months since the break-up and still I long for her. I let out a resounding sigh and roll over wishing I could fall asleep. Wishing for a shred of dignity for myself, for my sanity. I get none.

I count my blessings and repeat the words over and over again, a name. Her name: H. M gave me lessons on life and love and taught me more in the 3 months that we were together than the 22 years that I've been alive. H continues to teach me more. More about who I am, Who I should be. Both of them continue to play a role in my life. A life that at one point i've been confused about, unsure of. I used to value status and wealth above all others. Not anymore. I've loved and lost, sat under endless night skies and wished for death on more than one occasion yet, my days with M will always be the most impressionable.

Now I start a new experience. That with H. She is my life and my love. Her burning passion extinguishes my own. Every bit as amazing as M. She helps me move on and with her support and strength I continue on the journey that I started with M.

Both M and H are important in my life and will continue to be so till the day I die.

Tonight's post was brought to you by the numbers 1 and 16, the color red and the word Impressionable. The numbers 1 and 16 for the days I started a relationship with M and H respectively, the color Red for passion and a lighter shade of M 's hair and the word Impressionable for the roles of both M and H on me.

Rain

When I was younger, I always thought that rain was a gift from God to wash away our sins. As each droplet fell on our bare, exposed skin, it would burn away a tiny piece of the misdeeds we performed. It never mattered that the heavier drops hurt us and pounded us with cruelty, the pain made it believable that we were truly being pardoned of the wrongs in our lives.

As each day passed, I looked forward to the rain. I was 16 years old when it finally happened. An orientation of the mind, body and soul that all teens must go through. A break-up, a let-down a brutal shrug-off, call it what you will, the pain is still the same. Mine was called stupidity. An unreciprocated emotion leads to suicidal tendencies. Suicidal tendencies for me was nothing more than deep brooding and the inability to consume little or no food at all. You just never have the appetite.

Yet, through all of it, I always looked forward to the rain. As time passed, my appreciation for the rain as a tool for the cleansing of our sins soon turned to the cleansing of pain. You could never distinguish between what were your tears and what was the rain. It all looked the same. The opal droplets cascading down your face in a continuous never-ending race with the salty liquid of your tears to see who could reach the ground first was an inner sport. Yet the pain still remained.

I'm 22 yers old. I've loved and lost and i've done my fair share of sinning but i've never given up on the rain. It will always be my baptism of fire.

Today's post was brought to you by the number 1, the colour turquoise and the word redemption. The number 1 for the first post of a newly created blog that I have been procrastinating on for so long. The colour Turquoise for sensitivity, strength and protection and the word redemption for the guilt and perseverence that follows me eternal as a reminder to always continue to grow and do good in the world, strive to be the writer you always aim to be and cherish the people around you.